This past month has been full. So full that I can hardly remember it all. At the same time, I feel like it's been ages of waiting. I have a heart full of gratitude, and I'll share that soon. But for today, I just want to let you know the most recent news on how we will be dealing with the cancer.
I had an MRI on Tuesday. That was to take a closer look at the vertebrae the radiologist was concerned about. The MRI came back "clean," meaning we don't need to be concerned about that part of my neck. We're very thankful for that news.
Thursday, I met with the surgeon. She will be taking my case to the cancer board tomorrow morning. The plan is to remove lymph nodes on the right side of my neck about 3 weeks from now. There are two other spots they could try to remove. One is on the left side of my neck, and the other is behind my esophagus (if I remember right... these appointments are a lot to take in, so she might have said larynx or windpipe or voice box... it's somewhere a bit more difficult to get at. I filed it under "sounds like right in the middle of my neck" and focused on the rest of what was being said.). The right side is all we'll be dealing with right now. There are a couple reasons for that. One is that even though those other areas DID respond to the PET scan, they didn't respond strongly enough to know for sure that it's cancer. It could just be more active cells (commonly referred to as "brown fat."). She doesn't want to disturb cells that aren't cancerous, so unless she finds something to make her more concerned, she'd like to leave those alone. Another reason is that the one spot is more difficult to get at. It means more chance for complications, and higher risk for long-term damage. Lastly, the cancer doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Even though it is incredibly tenacious, it is not incredibly active; it is holding on to me tightly, but not moving to attack other areas of my body. This means we have flexibility in what we deal with first.
Of course, it ALSO means that there's potential for future surgeries. If we take out these lymph nodes and my bloodwork doesn't improve, more aggressive measures will need to be taken. But... maybe this will be enough. And if it's not, maybe dealing with it one area at a time will be easier on my body than trying to do it all at once.
I believe I'm in good hands. I'm exhausted from this week, but I'm at peace with the decisions that are being made. Yesterday I soaked up love and hugs from my babies, today I've stayed as close to my husband as I can. I am physically and emotionally drained. I am trying to plan for the next few weeks while living as fully as possible each day. I can't get enough of my family right now. I want to fill them up with joy and laughter, so that maybe they will have less time for fear and sadness.
I have some very precious, unexpected blessings that I want to share, but I cannot do that right now. This whole thing is heavy, and sometimes even sharing wonderful things takes too much energy. But that will be coming soon. Just give me a couple days to sleep (which I've barely done this week) and gather my thoughts.
Again, thank you for your prayers. I cannot say it enough, and saying it doesn't seem to be enough. If you can do nothing other than pray for me and my dear ones, you are doing exactly what we need most. God is faithful, and He is providing for us; strength, courage, wisdom, love, and physical needs of various kinds. Those prayers are being answered, and I am so grateful for each of you who prays!
For those of you who have done, and will do, other things for us, I can never repay you. Any act of love in this time means infinitely more to me than I can ever express. Thank you for being the Church body. You are binding my wounds and soothing my fears. I pray I am given the opportunity to do the same when your hour of need comes.
