I've been blessed and overwhelmed by all the prayers and encouragement I've had since my last post. The words, "thank you," aren't enough. I'll never have a way to thank you all enough. But know that I AM thankful. And I trust that God will reward each of you far better than I ever could. 💜
I have heard from my doctor. There isn't much actual NEWS, but I'll tell you where we are, and where it's headed.
The scan it's self came back clear, as expected. That's good, since it was clear last time, and to see anything THIS time would mean cancer is growing for sure. That pesky thyroid hormone number did some crazy stuff, though. My doctor looked over my history and said that for the past 6 years, it's been averaging about 9. She specifically wanted to look at the unsupressed number this time, which she was able to get by me being off my supplement for a while. It got as high as 70 by the time I had my scan. That concerns her quite a bit.
I'm back on my medicine now, eating normally, and feeling MUCH better than I was the last time I wrote. So that's good. And my doctor called me herself instead of having her nurse do it. She went over everything with me, and made sure I understood her concerns, as well as the options that she sees before us. I'm very thankful for the way she handled it. With so much uncertainty, her patience and compassion really meant a lot to me.
After we talked it over, we decided that the best next step is to seek a more experienced opinion. I believe I will probably be sent for a PET scan in the near future, but I'm going to consult with a specialist first. So on Thursday, I'll be going to Vanderbilt to meet a new doctor who will most likely take over my care.
Having to go to a "big" hospital is intimidating. It makes me feel like maybe I really am sick, even though we don't have information that definitively says so. The drive and time off work irritate me. Irritate might not be the right word...I don't know the right word. I want this to be simple, and it's not. I feel like I'm looking down a long, dark tunnel and no one can tell me how long I'll have to walk before I can see the end.
At the same time, I'm thankful that there IS a hospital I can go to that doesn't require an overnight trip. I'm thankful that my doctor is humble enough to suggest a second opinion. I'm blessed to have a job with benefits that allow me to take the time I need. I'm thankful to already have people offer to go with me. There's so much to be thankful for that it seems petty to complain about not knowing what to expect next.
After all, do any of us really know what to expect? Tomorrow has equal chance of bringing joy, pain, excitement, disappointment, sorrow, and hope. We won't know which ones until they're here.
Please pray for my emotional stability. I've been a bit of a mess this week. Time brings acceptance and calms me, but not every moment is easy. Please, please, PLEASE pray for the doctors I will be seeing. Pray for wisdom in how to proceed. I will have to trust their suggestions, so I'm asking that they be granted this extra measure of wisdom. Please remember my family, especially. If they're ok, I can face anything. But... if I face things that hurt me or scare me, they aren't ok anymore, because of their love for me. It is such a sweet, blessed thing to be part of this family. Again, I find that there simply aren't words for the thing I feel when my mind rests on them.
There's no more I can say tonight other than to thank you in advance for the prayers I know will go up even tonight on my behalf. The church Christ built is an amazing thing to behold. I will never get over the beauty of it!
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