I have a moment of pure joy to share today. Many of you have been following this journey since the very beginning. Many of you have wept with me, prayed for me, encouraged me, even supported my family through the ministry of meals. There is no way I can thank everyone enough. But today I need to express my thanks to Someone higher. Last Sunday, for the first time since the end of June, I joined my husband for one song in front of our church as he lead worship. There are no words for the gratitude I have to my Savior...my Healer...for that one song.
It's not the same. For the first time in my life I have no volume and very little range. But I can sing, which is more than anyone expected. Even my speaking voice is a precious gift that amazes the doctors. I was supposed to have a whispery, garbled sound to my speech, and I don't. As long as I don't try to raise my voice, most people can tell no difference from before my surgery. It's been a process of small steps, and I keep expecting to hit the end, but I haven't yet. I am thankful for every step: I am thankful for the recordings we have been able to make in the past of Brad and I singing. No matter what, we will always have those. I am thankful for my speaking voice that is recongnizable as my own. I am thankful that even before I left the hospital in July there were notes (they didn't come out the same pitch as I had in my head, which was a bit of a shock, but they were musical, at least). I am thankful that one day I sang a note that finally did match the notes in my head. I am thankful that the few notes I had back in August have grown to a few more notes. I am thankful that, since I have no volume, we have microphones. :-) I am thankful for a husband who kept asking me to try to sing. For being so gentle and loving, and who did not give up on trying to reclaim a bit of the music we have always made together. I am thankful for those precious moments together again, praising the Lord in song. I am thankful, even if what I have today is all I ever have, that music is not gone from my life. I am amazed that God would even give me this.
I don't know what God's plans are for my future. I know He is fully able to restore me completely. My prayer is that whatever He does give me, I will forever use it for His glory. It's so easy to take for granted the things that He has provided. I have so much, and yet I often find myself wishing for more. But today my heart is full of nothing but gratitude, and I can clearly see all of His provision. And this trial by fire has changed me in so many ways. No matter what the future holds, I will forever be deeply, eternally, unspeakably thankful for the gift of song.